Dear Weary Heart ...If You Miss Anything

Good to be back again doing what i love to do;blog and write about my personal odyssey to the heart of worship. Loving God with all my heart, body, spirit and soul. So much has happened this past few months; and i hope i will have the strength and courage to share my ups and downs on my way to loving, living and embracing wholeheartedly the life i was destined to live in Christ. Tears has flowed like a river, hope has (almost) been lost, vision gone blurred, virtues has been ignored, lust and lack of self control governed the kingdom of mind, thoughts and emotion. I screamed, i cried out loud abba father! This is not me! Did i miss something? Of course i did in their hundreds. what do you do with those unanswered prayers and longings? what do you do when life is unfair to you? what do you do when it looks like all odds are stacked against you? Sometimes, i don't understand God. His ways of answering prayers still drives me crazy. Lord i need answers now, then he kept quiet. Temperature rising, bills mounting, emotions cut lose. Alas! its all i can do to cry, stop reading my bible and just be left alone. I heard it that you are just a prayer away from your miracle. Maybe its true, but how long? Lord, am i asking for too much? Please let me know. when will this brokenness, disgust and anger be washed away into the river of history? Who am i to question God? He is my father so i guess i can pour my anger to him not at him. But lord i still hurt.I feel like am wasting away.Time is passing me by. He didn't say anything and dunno why. Is it hard being a christian? Is it hard trusting God wholeheartedly? Is it hard understanding God? is it hard knowing his ways? Is it too hard for God to hear my prayers and give instant answer? I guess am entering a new chapter of christian maturity. Oh please spare me! don't say that! What if am not alone and God is with me in my hours of darkness? What if He is collecting all my tears? what if my pain is part of my purpose and i don't know this or can't and don't wanna acknowledge this? Deep down my private sanctum , a voice of God's faithfulness still rings out loud. No, no, no God is faithful. I am barely holding on but God is faithful yes yes yes .. i can't see anything change for me or prayers answered yet but i know God is still faithful. if you miss anything my weary heart, don't worry i won't be angry but remember your God is still faithful.