Dear Weary Heart ...If You Miss Anything

Good to be back again doing what i love to do;blog and write about my personal odyssey to the heart of worship. Loving God with all my heart, body, spirit and soul. So much has happened this past few months; and i hope i will have the strength and courage to share my ups and downs on my way to loving, living and embracing wholeheartedly the life i was destined to live in Christ. Tears has flowed like a river, hope has (almost) been lost, vision gone blurred, virtues has been ignored, lust and lack of self control governed the kingdom of mind, thoughts and emotion. I screamed, i cried out loud abba father! This is not me! Did i miss something? Of course i did in their hundreds. what do you do with those unanswered prayers and longings? what do you do when life is unfair to you? what do you do when it looks like all odds are stacked against you? Sometimes, i don't understand God. His ways of answering prayers still drives me crazy. Lord i need answers now, then he kept quiet. Temperature rising, bills mounting, emotions cut lose. Alas! its all i can do to cry, stop reading my bible and just be left alone. I heard it that you are just a prayer away from your miracle. Maybe its true, but how long? Lord, am i asking for too much? Please let me know. when will this brokenness, disgust and anger be washed away into the river of history? Who am i to question God? He is my father so i guess i can pour my anger to him not at him. But lord i still hurt.I feel like am wasting away.Time is passing me by. He didn't say anything and dunno why. Is it hard being a christian? Is it hard trusting God wholeheartedly? Is it hard understanding God? is it hard knowing his ways? Is it too hard for God to hear my prayers and give instant answer? I guess am entering a new chapter of christian maturity. Oh please spare me! don't say that! What if am not alone and God is with me in my hours of darkness? What if He is collecting all my tears? what if my pain is part of my purpose and i don't know this or can't and don't wanna acknowledge this? Deep down my private sanctum , a voice of God's faithfulness still rings out loud. No, no, no God is faithful. I am barely holding on but God is faithful yes yes yes .. i can't see anything change for me or prayers answered yet but i know God is still faithful. if you miss anything my weary heart, don't worry i won't be angry but remember your God is still faithful.

The "don't Cry girl"

She reminds me of the girl Brooks and Dunn sang about titled"cowgirl don't cry, they just find their way home". Still caught up in the frenzy of failed relationship, and hard lessons of life, the pain and stings of old regrets won't let her be. Where do these kinds go for refuge?  Some said end it now, some saw the details, others the devil. she walks the only path Destiny wrote.Trembling deep inside, the solemn rabbi on her inside urges her on. Halt not! Want not! Oh daughter of the universe for its the third day of the Lord. Ride baby ride. Still your mind, doubt your doubt. Heaven's golden son sees your frailties. Gather the sleepie elders ..  fist-footed East, unforgiven North, frivolous South and vanity West to quiet down all enterprise.
 The "Don't cry girl" is here

NOT ALL BREADS ARE CREATED EQUAL.

Not all breads are created  equal? Yes! No! Not sure? Well, speaking of breads, there are over 200 different types of breads in the UK alone. Growing up outside the UK, am not used to so many varieties of breads or counting calories, we just gulp it down, easy Man!
Living in the UK makes me appreciate not only the world of breads but the history behind it and the  amount of health related information on calories and ingredients contained in it.

But then, can I pause a bit and introduce you to a different kind of bread i have tasted? He's the bread of life and his name is Jesus. Just as our earthly breads carry information to enable us make choices for the purpose of good health, Jesus the bread of life came to answer questions about our spiritual health.

As much as our physical well-ness matters, our spiritual wellbeing matters even more. You have laboured hard enough for the physical bread. Its time for something different. I know you have questions about the after-life, you have done good works, given to the poor, being a good neighbour, betrayed, taken advantaged of, misunderstood, sought love in all the wrong places or left broke, busted and disgusted. It hurts so bad you have even contemplated suicide. You were not designed to go through life's ups and down alone.

Jesus said i am the bread of life, he that cometh to me shall never hunger, and he that believeth on me shall never thirst (John 6vs.35). Its time to trust Jesus with the salvation of your soul. He is waiting for you. He knows your frailty. He shares your pains.

Please don't ignore him. Talk to him today. He is here to help you.Will you? Believe me, not all breads are created equal.

Thorium or Timeless Living.

A quick flip into the newspaper is nothing but same old same! News of war, terrorism, uninspiring celebrities, big brother watching us, bankers bonuses, too big to fail season 5, series 7. What about sport? Football only offer temporary solace, a  fair getaway. As I result to accepting my fate, eyes motioned to a caption on Thorium; a radioactive element. Thorium is the future of nuclear energy and other energy needs. Report says Thorium has a half-life of about 14 billion. A spark of revelation starred me in the face. If Thorium has half-life not a full life of 14 billion years, how much do I think I have in Christ Jesus? Endless baby! Praise God. The more I meditated on it, the more hope filled my discouraged heart. Why should not I be discouraged? Like Paul, I think good but but bad beautifully packages itself before me. Choice? Choice? Choice? You know what? I chose Jesus. The last time I checked,  I got victory. Jesus said I have come that they may have real and eternal life and life in abundance! Praise Jesus!

Feeling bad or having a bad day? Why not call on Jesus and check the bible? You will be shocked what help are packed in it. Will you.

DAD, WHERE ARE YOU?

LORD I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. I THOUGHT I COULD MAKE IT WITHOUT YOU BUT EACH STEPS I TOOK WAS A STEP IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. I WATCHED THE LUSTFUL WORLD I BUILT FOR MYSELF CRUMBLED LIKE A PACK OF CARDS.

SOMETHING ABOUT YOU JUST WON'T LET ME REST UNTIL I MAKE PEACE WITH YOU. I MISSED THE WAY I POUR MY HEART OUT TO YOU. I MISSED THE WAY I FEEL A SENSE OF PEACE WITH YOU. I MISSED THE WAY YOU SPEAK TO ME. I MISSED NOT HEARING YOUR VOICE.I MISSED EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.

EVEN WHEN MY SKY IS SCARRED, LET ME LOVE YOU.

WHEN AM LOST, LET ME FIND MY WAY HOME.

WHEN YOU SAY WAIT, LET ME BE STILL.

ITS DARK! DARK! AND DARKER THAN I THOUGHT OUT THERE. 

DON'T WANT TO MAKE A SHIP WRECK OF MY FAITH. OF WHAT WE SHARE LORD.SO AM ASKING YOU TO KEEP ME IN YOUR LOVE. LIKE YOU PRAYED FOR PETER,DEAR LORD PRAY FOR ME ALSO.

NOW AND ALWAYS.AMEN

FROM YOUR LOVER BOY.

What are you God?

I poured out my misery! You said its melody.
I saw my world crumble! You saw the beginning of surrendering to your will.
I said broke! You saw brokenness.
I said I have no man to help me! You said you are everything I need.
I came with my endless list of unanswered prayers! You saw obedience.
I see a jar of clay! You saw treasure.
I see my enemies! You saw friends.
I see friends! You said look closer.
I seek pleasure! You sought a broken spirit and a contrite heart.
I see affliction and revenge! You saw love.

I built a monument! You said it’s a trash compared to the one you have for me in Heaven.
I rejoice in the work of my hand, my toil, and labour. You said, “Chasing after the wind”.
I see condemnations! You saw redemption.
I see pains, shame, disappointments.  You saw a stepping-stone to greatness.
I say there is no God! You took me to Genesis 1.
I say why do you take so long to answer my prayers? You said I only come to you only when I need stuff, and I asked for wrong things.
I try hiding my sins! You said even darkness is light before you.

I see a desert land! You saw a river of life where  all thirst are satisfied.
I see weariness! You opened my eyes to see a host of angels cheering me to victory on the finishing line
I say yes to follow you! You said have I counted the cost of following you, but it will worth it all if I endured.
I see tears! You said it is tears of joy.
I see pieces! You saw masterpiece.
I see a thorn in my flesh like Paul! You said your grace is sufficient for me.
I scream! I cry abba Father! You said you would never leave me nor forsake me.
I see a small beginning! You saw a man of valour with great happy-ending.
I groan within me! You heard a sweet song of praise giving you pleasure.
I see loneliness! You saw a glorious innumerous angels watching over me.
I say what are you GOD? You did not say much. Nevertheless, I felt you say
“Be still and know I am God.

FURY OR FORGIVENESS,LIQUID CONTENTS ONLY!

Then I motioned westward,
To the north-west corner of my heart.
For I forgot the parable that called me “SON”.
Sweet drinks! Wild night!
Strange companion! Mortal me! Love me some liquid!
 Half-full or empty, slumbering away destiny.
A beautiful drunkard is a pitiful Soul.
Same cups. Different contents. None the wise! A fool of always.


Then I sojourned deep into my private sanctum,
Where lies the real me.
Heart covered with mirror to see who is inside.
There I found a Savior slaving it out in a corner.
Sweat like blood drplets.
Good turned evil.
Saint, a sinner. Then begin my sober pilgrim.

He, who had no drink, became the master drunkard!
How he drank from the cup of His father’s fury.
He drank away my condemnation for redemption.
That a wretch like me might live.
Oh, he prayed! He prayed! The agony prayer.
Yet his father with tears looked away.
The cup he did not take away but strength he gave.

Then I, a pitiful sinner slumbered no more.
To drink from the cup of forgiveness.
What shall we call this?
Shall I neglect this great a salvation?
Seeing what should become of me, but never to be.
God’s wrath for a world of forgiveness.
What is love? What is wrath? what is fury? what a forgiveness!
Fury or Forgiveness, Lord I know better!
I know my liquid, and my liquid knows me.



Inspired by Luke 22 vs.24

Is there no Balm in Gilead?

Lord, the pain is still there!

Nevertheless,

Why do I act as if I have no father?

Where is home?

Where is Gilead??

Am hurting for me,

In a dark corner of my heart.

My peace all gone!

When the grip of lust

 Replace your love in my heart.

However, I dressed it, I cannot any more!

 No more comfort in my bone,

I pitched my tent with the rich and famous

I smiled and wore a gold garment,

Gave my bread to poor, did charity.

Yet, my miseries knew no boundary.

My heart says to me, Go Home!

Go to your father!

He has so many prodigals at the gates of the day.

 Is there no balm in Gilead?

Is there no help for the people of God?

 Go to your healer,

Head bowed in sorrow, come lay your burdens down.

Cry! Cry! Cry! Seek! Seek! Seek!

The father seeks such,

Who believed and had faith in him.

I heard a voice say to me,

Do not give up!

Do not give in!

Only acknowledge your spiritual sores and sins,

For I knew you, and I never promised it would be easy.

However, I will always be with you, until end of time.

I am your balm in Gilead.

I am your healer.

 Inspired by my weakness

Strength made perfect in weakness.

II Corinth 12 vs 10.

Go! Go! Go!

Lord, am back again!

Unto whom else shall I go?

My heart seeks you.

My soul longed for your embrace.

It is a cold world out there.

Lord, I am talking to myself again.

It is the best I can do for me,

In this dry and weary land.

How shall I escape Lord?

If I made light the finished work of Christ?

Oh, glory! Oh, glory my soul in the salvation

Of your king.

Hold feeble hands of mine.

Strengthen my weary heart.

Awake me to the wondrous joy

Of knowing and following Jesus.

Find joy in Jesus.

The one the world cannot give.

Go love your king oh my soul!

Go live for him.

Go worship and do his will.

Go tell the world the treasure you found.

Then, my heart shall rejoice.

Go! Go! Go!

Inspired by Hebrew 2 vs. 3